The Singing Sensations
by ronsparkles
Summary: Fred & George are bored and planning a prank. Not to mention, they are hyped up on sugar and RedBull. Read to find what horrors they release onto Hogwarts. They curse everyone to sing Chicago. Hilarious!
1. The Prank

_**To I have edited this story to comply with the guidelines. Please notify me if there is anything else that I need to change. Thanks. –LaxGoalie**_

_**Author's Notes: I don't own any of this.**_

"Geooorggee," Fred whined, "I'm bored." He was poking at the giant vat of ice cream Dobby had brought to him.

"What do you suggest we do about that?" George asked while washing down his ninth giant blue pixie stick with his fifth can of Red Bull.

"I'd say it's time for a prank."

"I do agree, brother."

"What prank? We need something new, adventurous, completely f-ed up!" Fred proclaimed and jumped onto the table in the kitchens. Sugar is not a good thing for a Weasley twin to eat—namely, before planning a prank.

"I have a plan!" _Insert psycho close-up of George's face here. _

"What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Wh—"

"BREATHE!" George shouted at Fred.

"Absobloodylutely!" Fred yelled.

"Anyway…" George laughed. "My plan is to make all of Hogwarts into some musical on acid!" He was now twitchy—thanks to all of the pure artificially flavored blue sugar he had just consumed.

"That's perfect!" Fred said. "But which musical?"

"Guys and Dolls, Cats—" George began. He was cut of when Fred started to dry heave when Cats was mentioned. "I was just naming the musicals I knew, it's not like I wanted to do Cats. You're a sped Fred."

"Huh? Sorry, SDSSTML!"

"Rent, Chicago, South Pacific, Moulin Rouge…"

"Chicago or Rent?" Fred asked.

"Chicago," George immediately replied.

"Why not Rent?" Fred asked. He was slightly upset: it was one of his favorite musicals. In fact, he had been mentally singing Rent songs for the past…79 hours.

"Because," George explained, in a dead serious tone of voice, "if people had to see Snape and Trelawney singing "Light My Candle," I think everyone would be forced to gauge their eyes out."

"Say no more." Fred laughed, "Let's get to work."


	2. All That Jazz

**_Author's Notes: I don't own it._**

Harry Potter was pushing his breakfast around on his plate and sulking, as usual. Ron was stuffing his face full of bacon and eggs, as usual. Hermione was reading Hogwarts: A History, as usual. Ginny was glaring at her brother's disgusting eating habits, as usual. Snape was jumping up from his seat at the staff table and obnoxiously croaking _(singing?) _"Five, Six, Seven, Eight!" as usual…wait a minute!

Snape turned a remarkable shade of pink and jumped back down, muttering some very colorful words under his breath and cursing Harry Potter's existence, in general. Harry, following Snape's cue, leaped up onto the Gryffindor table and started singing a song from Chicago: All That Jazz.

Harry:  
Come on Gin  
Why don't we paint the town?  
And all that Jazz

Harry extended his hand towards her, so she could join his performance. She readily accepted his hand and accompanied him in the song. "Ginny," Ron shrieked, "What are you doing!"

Ginny:  
I'm gonna rouge my knees  
And roll my stockings down  
And all that jazz

Fred and George walked into the Great Hall the next day with a spring in their step. Nothing seemed to cheer them up more than a good prank. The spell they enacted didn't specify what would happen exactly, but, merely, it stated that the songs would choose their singers. Interesting, very interesting.

George and Fred had placed a few bets on who would get stuck with what songs. So far, George had proclaimed that Hermione would be one of the Cell Block Tango people, and Fred had decided that Ginny would be singing right along side of her. Neither could decide what Snape would be singing, but they knew it would be something…entertaining.

Neither of them, however, had prepared themselves for the sight that was waiting for them inside of the Great Hall. To be precise, at the Gryffindor table. All they were capable of at the moment, was standing there, gaping. After a few seconds, they shook it off and took a seat to watch the show and gloat about their brilliance _(Total insanity?)._

Harry:  
Grab your broom  
I know a magic spot  
Where the gin is cold  
But the piano's hot

"You're not going anywhere!" Ron shouted, but he could barely be heard over the background music, tap dancing, and singing.

Ginny:  
It's just a noisy hall  
Where there's a nightly brawl  
And all  
That   
Jazz

Fred and George:  
Skidoo!

Ginny and Harry:  
And all that Jazz

Ravenclaws:  
Hotcha!

Hufflepuffs:  
Magic!

McGonnagal:  
And all that Jazz

Staff:  
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ginny to Harry:  
So fix your hair  
And wear your magic cloak  
And all that Jazz

Harry:  
I hear that Brother Ron  
Is gonna blow a fuse  
And all that Jazz

Ginny:

Hold on, hon  
We're gonna hex Malfoy  
I bought some pranking junk   
Down at the twin's prank shop  
In case you twitch apart  
And want a brand new start  
To do that-

Dumbledore:  
Jazz

Ginny:  
Find your map  
We're going to throw dung bombs

Slytherins:  
And all that jazz

Harry:  
Right up here  
Is where I store the brooms

Gryffindors:  
And all that jazz

Harry:  
Come on, babe  
We're gonna brush the sky  
I bet your luck, Ginny  
Never flew so high

"Harry Potter!" Ron was furious. "LEAVE MY BABY SISTER ALONE!"

Ginny:   
'Cause in the stratosphere  
How could I lend an ear  
to all that Jazz?

Harry: Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy shake

"Oh, no," Ron shouted, "she bloody well isn't!"

Staff Table:  
And all that jazz

Harry:  
Oh, she's gonna shimmy 'till her garters break

"I will let her do no such thing!" Ron shook his fist menacingly. "Ginerva Weasley, get off of that table this insant!"  
Ravenclaw:  
And all that jazz

Harry:  
Show her where to park her girdle  
Oh, her brother's blood'd curdle

"You bet your arse!" Ron growled.

McGonnagal:  
If she'd hear her potion boils  
For all that jazz

Hermione:  
And all that jazz

Harry:  
And all that jazz  
Come on babe  
Why don't we paint  
The town?  
And all that jazz

Ginny:

I'm gonna  
Rouge my knees  
And roll my  
Stockings down  
And all that jazz

Harry:

Grab your broom  
I know a magic spot  
Where the gin is cold  
But the piano's hot  
It's just a noisy hall  
Where there's a nightly brawl  
And all that-

Neville:  
Jazz

Ginny:  
No, I'm no one's wife

Harry:

But, Oh, I hate my life

Harry and Ginny:

And all that Jazz!

Snape _(really loudly)_:  
That Jazz!

Snape clapped his hands over his mouth and bravely ran away from the Great Hall and a chuckling Headmaster.


	3. Funny Honey

_**Author's Notes: Don't own it. Review!**_

Fred and George couldn't stop laughing maniacally as they walked down the halls, watching people burst into song. It was one of those things that you didn't see very often. The Weasley twins, however, were not the type to exclude anyone from their pranks: dead, traitorous, werewolves, it was all the same to them. This would be why they could be found standing in front of the Mirror of Erised, that was specially charmed to show them what would happen if they were all together—they, meaning The Marauders.

Sirius: Sometimes I'm right  
Sometimes I'm wrong  
But he doesn't care  
He'll string along  
He loves me so  
That funny stalker of mine

Sometimes I'm down  
Sometimes I'm up  
But he follows 'round  
Like some droopy-eyed pup  
He love me so  
Waddling stalker of mine

James:

He ain't no sheik  
That's no great physique  
Merlin knows, he ain't got the smarts

"That's the understatement of the century!" they exclaimed simultaneously. They tended to do that, quite randomly. Neither was capable of explaining it, and, being the lazy pranksters that they are, they gave up trying about a week after they learned how to talk.

Sirius:

Oh, but look at that soul  
I tell you, the whole  
Is a whole lot greater than  
The sum of his parts

And if you knew him like me  
I know you'd agree  
What if the world  
Slandered my name?  
Why, he'd be right there  
Taking the blame

"Not quite!" George exclaimed. Fred snorted in response.

He stalks me so  
And it all suits me fine  
That funny, sunny, stalker  
chubby of mine

Peter:  
A man's got a right to protect his home  
and all his friends, right?

Remus:  
Of course, he has.

Peter:  
Well, I came in from the garage, Remus, and I  
see him coming through the window. With my  
man Sirius there, sleepin'...like a druggie...

Sirius:  
He stalks me so  
That funny stalker of mine

Peter:  
...a druggie!

I mean supposin', just supposin', he had Avada'd  
him or somethin'...you know what I mean...  
Avada'd?

Remus:  
I know what you mean...

Peter:  
...or somethin'. Think how terrible that would have been.  
It's a good thing I came home from work on time, I'm tellin' ya that! I say I'm tellin' ya that!

Sirius:  
He stalks me so  
That funny stalker of mine

Remus:  
Name of deceased... James Potter.

Peter:  
James Potter. How could he be a burglar?  
Sirius Black knows him! James Potter's married!

Sirius:  
Lord knows he ain't got the smarts

Peter:  
He lied to me. He told me he was a burglar!

Remus:  
You mean he was dead when you got home?

Peter:  
He had him covered with a sheet and he's givin'  
me that cock and bull story about this burglar, and  
I ought to say that I did it 'cause I was sure to get off.  
Burglar, huh!

Sirius:  
Now, he shot off his trap  
I can't stand that sap  
Look at him go  
Rattin' on me  
With just one more brain  
What a half-wit he'd be

If they string me up  
I'll know who  
Brought the twine

Peter:  
And I believed him!  
That cheap wizard. So, he  
was lying to me, huh?  
Well, then, he can just  
Swing for all I care.  
Boy, I'm down at the garage,  
Working my butt off fourteen  
hours a day and he's up killin'  
his god damn enemies and pranking.

This time he pushed me too far.  
That little chiseler.  
Boy, what I sap I was!

Sirius:   
That scummy, crummy  
Dummy chubby of mine!


	4. Cell Block Tango

_**Author's Notes: I don't own it. Review.**_

_Cell Block Tango! _

Hermione was peacefully sitting in the library getting a head start on her Potions assignment, when she was overcome with the urge to get up and sing a number from Chicago. So, that's exactly what she did.

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny was feeling a bit putout because Hermione ran off to the library claiming she had to finish her Potions assignment at least 2 weeks in advance. Ginny suspected it was because she had been talking about how wonderful Harry Potter was for the past…1…2…3…4 hours.

She wouldn't have thought it was because of this, but something told her when Hermione started whacking her head of the table chanting "Harry is a whiny, legally insane, egotistical, bloody annoying git with a hero complex," it might've been because she was a bit tired of hearing about him. No, Ginny concluded, she just wanted to do homework.

Ginny Weasley decided that she should talk to someone who was as loyal a member to the Harry Potter fan club as she. But who? Moaning Myrtle, of course. Ginny was in the middle of explaining why she thought Harry's eyes (Moaning Myrtle claimed "The way his hair falls into his eyes when he's screaming at someone is breathtaking") were his best feature, when she suddenly started singing.

Ginny: Six!

Sitting at her desk in the "swivel-y chair of great entertainment and procrastination," as Snape sarcastically dubbed it while being in an epically bad mood, Minerva McGonnagal was pleased to see that she only had two more papers left to read. However, when she realized one of those was Hermione Granger's. _Why did she always write a bloody book? Nobody cares about the extra dozen ways you can turn a rat into a chalice, _Minerva grumbled. She wasn't extremely distraught when she burst into song. _At least, _she thought, _I won't have to read her paper right now._

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho Chang was hurriedly filing her nails. She didn't want to be late for her date with Oliver Wood. She nearly had a mental breakdown while deciding which dress to wear _("Pink or Fuscia?"). _But, finally, she decided on the pink one. She flooed to Madame Puddifoot's and asked if Oliver Wood had arrived yet. The woman gave her a sympathetic smile and handed her the note that Oliver left for her.

_Dear Cho,_

_Maybe if you didn't burst out into tears every two seconds, I would have gone on another date with you. As of right now, the mere thought of going out to dinner and coming home looking like I just went swimming, isn't one of the most romantic things of which I can think. _

_From,_

_Oliver Wood_

Cho, of course, burst into another round of over-dramatic sobs after she finished reading the letter. She ran back to her common room and then started to sing. 

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma is not that interesting of a character. So, why don't we just say she was by the lake skipping some stones when she decided to sing? Happy? Good. 

Padma: Cicero!

Colin Creevey was stealthily snapping pictures of his new obsession: Ron Weasley. He was precariously balanced on a tree branch **_(No innuendo, Merv!)_** in an attempt to get as many pictures possible without anyone noticing. He was on his way down the tree when the fates turned against him: he started singing.

Colin: Jordan!

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny: Six!

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma: Cicero!

Colin: Jordan!

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny: Six!

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma: Cicero!

Colin: Jordan!

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny: Six!

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma: Cicero!

Colin: Jordan!

All: He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny: Six!

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma: Cicero!

Colin: Jordan!

Hermione: You know how people  
have these little habits  
That get you down. Like Viktor.  
Viktor liked to chew gum.  
No, not chew. POP. So I came home this one day,  
And I am really irritated, and  
looking for a little sympathy  
and there's Victor layin'  
on the couch, drinkin' a butterbeer  
and chewin'. No, not chewin'.  
Poppin'. So, I said to him,  
I said, "You pop that  
gum one more time..."  
and he did.  
So I took Victor's wand off the floor,

and I fired two warning shots...  
...into his head.

All: He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it

Hermione: I betcha you would have done the same!

Ginny: I met Blaise Zabini from  
London, England, about two years ago  
and he told me he was single,  
and we hit it off right away.  
So, we started living together.  
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd  
fix him a drink; we'd have dinner.  
And then I found out,  
"Single" he told me?  
Single, my ass. Not only  
was he married  
...oh, no, he had six wives.  
One of those Purebloods, you know. So that  
night, when he came home, I fixed him  
his drink as usual.  
You know, some guys just can't hold  
their arsenic.

All: He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He took a flower  
In its prime  
And then he used it  
And he abused it  
It was a murder  
But not a crime!

McGonnagal: Now, I'm standing in the kitchen  
mixin' up the potion for Hogwarts,  
minding my own business,  
and in storms my husband Riddle,  
in a jealous rage.  
"You been screwin' the Auror,"  
he says. He was crazy  
and he kept screamin',  
"you been screwin' the Auror."

Then he Avada'd himself.  
He Avada'd himself ten times!

"Remind me not to mess with McGonnagal," Ron whimpered to Harry. Harry nodded and took a step back. A large step back.

All: If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!

Cho: Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg  
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan   
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja  
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam  
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...

McGonnagal: Yeah, but did you do it?

Cho: Uh uh! Not Guilty!

"Wimp!" Goyle shouted and Crabbe laughed stupidly.

Padma: My sister, Parvati, and  
I did this double act  
and my husband, Ernie,  
used to travel round with us.  
Now, for the last number in our act,  
we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row  
One, two, three, four, five...splits, spread eagles,  
back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.  
So this one night before the show we're down at the hotel Cicero, the three of us, boozin', havin' a few laughs and  
we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some.  
I come back, open the door, and there's Parvati and  
Ernie doing Number Seventeen the spread eagle.  
Well, I was in such a state of shock,  
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.  
It wasn't until later,  
when I was washing the blood off my hands  
I even knew they were dead.

"I would really like to switch rooms!" someone in Padma's room squealed.

Padma: They had it coming  
All: They had it coming  
Padma: They had it coming  
All: They had it coming  
Padma: They had it coming all along  
All: They had it coming all along  
Padma: I didn't do it  
All: She didn't do it  
Padma: But if I'd done it  
All: But if she done it  
Padma: How could you tell me that I was wrong?  
They had it coming  
All: They had it coming  
Padma: They had it coming  
All: They had it coming  
Padma: They had it coming  
All: They took a flower  
Padma: All along  
All: In its prime  
Padma: I didn't do it  
All: And then they used it  
Padma: But if I'd done it,  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

Colin: I loved Lee Jordan  
more than I can possibly say.  
He was a real artistic guy...  
sensitive... a painter.  
But he was always trying  
to find himself.  
He'd go out every night  
looking for himself  
and on the way  
he found Rose,  
Pansy,  
Lavender and Katie.  
I guess you can say we broke  
up because of artistic differences.  
He saw himself as alive  
and I saw him dead.

All: The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

Group 1 (Hermione, McGonnagal, and Ginny):  
They had it comin'  
Group 2 (Cho, Colin, and Padma):  
They had it comin'  
Group 1:They had it comin'  
Group 2:They had it comin'  
Group 1:They had it comin'  
Group 2:They had it comin'  
Group 1:All along  
Group 2:All along  
Group 1:'Cause if they used us  
Group 2:'Cause if they used us  
Group 1:And they abused us  
Group 2:And they abused us

All: How could you tell us that we were wrong?

Group 1:He had it coming  
Group 2:He had it coming  
Group 1:He only had himself to blame.  
Group 2:He only had himself to blame.  
Group 1:If you'd have been there  
Group 2:If you'd have been there  
Group 1:If you'd have seen it  
Group 2:If you'd have seen it

All: I betcha you would have done the same!

Hermione: If you pop that gum one more time!

Ginny: Single my ass!

McGonnagal: Ten times!

Cho: Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.

Padma: Number seventeen-the spread eagle.

Colin: Artistic Differences.

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny: Six!

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma: Cicero!

Colin: Jordan!


	5. When You're Good to Voldi

_**Author's Notes: Review…I don't own it.**_

Severus Snape was particularly glad to get away from the Hogwarts Musical. He decided that if he were forced to sing a single song more that he would personally kill Dumbledore. Why Dumbledore? Because Dumbledore informed the staff that he could stop all of the song singing, but he chose not to. Apparently, the old geezer enjoyed seeing his staff suffer. Bloody alliteration, he thought, as he realized he had been thinking with it for a while.

Back to his death threats: Dumbledore thought it "lightened the mood" of the impending doom, as Snape so eloquently put it, and that it "promoted house unity". Snape still hadn't figured out what unity the old geezer was seeing. He simply concluded that it's because old geezers are "no-sighted." For the first time since Snape had switched sides, he was actually looking forward to seeing Voldemort. Why? Because at least he bloody well won't be singing.

Voldemort: Ask any of the wizards in my cult

"YOU'RE BLOODY KIDDING ME!" Snape shouted and started twitching quite frighteningly violently. "Why are you singing!"

"What do you mean?" Lucius questioned suspiciously. "He always singings at 12:01 p.m."

"He does?"

"Yup! He does it to remind us of things and sometimes threats. He decided that he likes to sing anyway, and this way, he doesn't have to kill a bunch of people to remind us everyday."

"That's the most pathetic excuse I've ever heard," Snape drawled. "I do believe he's just gay."

"Do you think he likes me?" Lucius giggled.

"The bloody world has gone mad!" Snape proclaimed.

Voldemort: They'll tell you I'm the biggest evil lord  
I hate 'em all and all of them serve me  
Because the system works  
The system called "I'm-Better-Than-You"...

Got a little motto  
Always sees me through  
When you're good to Voldi  
Voldi won't kill you.

There's a lot of favors  
I'm prepared to do  
You do one for Voldi  
He will not kill you.

They say that life is Potter's death  
And that's the way I live  
So, I deserve to kill Potter  
For what I've got to give  
Don't you know that this hand  
Curses that one too  
When you're good to Voldi  
Voldi won't kill you!

If you want my potion  
Add to my cauldron  
Heat it up for Voldi  
He'll get hot for you

When they pass that cauldron  
Folk contribute to  
You put in for Voldi  
He'll put out for you

The folks atop the ladder  
Are the ones the world adores  
So boost me up my ladder, Snape,  
And I'll boost you up yours

Let's all stroke together  
Like Dumbledore's group  
When you're strokin' Voldi  
Voldi's strokin' you

So what's the one conclusion  
I can bring this number to?  
When you're good to Voldi  
Voldi won't kill you!

"That was one of your best, Lord Tomika!" Lucius clapped and fluttered his eyelids.

"Do you really think so!" Voldemort blushed. "Thanks so much!"

"The bloody world has gone absobloodylutely insane," Snape whimpered and ran away as fast as he could. Which, in reality, looked like a blinding blob of grease zooming down the hall and back to Hogwarts.


	6. All I Care About is Socks

**_Author's Notes: I don't own it. Review._**

Dobby the house elf was on his way to the kitchens after a particularly wonderful shopping spree through the Slytherins' dirty laundry; he was on a quest for socks. He managed to find a hot pink sock with neon green drawings of snitches and navy blue trim, so he was extremely pleased. He had always loved mismatched socks, and that color combination topped the charts in Dobby's world. As he was nearing the painting in front of the kitchens, he could hear a faint singing that seemed to grow louder as he approached. He discerned that the singing was coming from the kitchen: Winky, to be exact.

Winky: We want Dobby

Give us Dobby

D. O. double B. Y.

We're all his

He's our kind of elf

And ooh what luck

'Cause here he is...

Dobby tickled the pear and made a dramatic entrance. His wardrobe mysteriously changed into formal wear that Tarzan probably owned. It was a simple black sheet with a crooked, mismatched tie.

Dobby: Is everybody here?

Is everybody ready?

Hit it!

Suddenly, the lighting changed. The kitchens went dark and the countertops were immediately cleared off in a tidal wave of oversized ears. They were calling to him to jump up and start his show: The Counters. The spotlight was on them. It was his time—his time to perform.

Dobby: I don't care about expensive things

Bertie Botts, or Firebolts

Don't mean a thing

All I care about is socks

That's what I'm here for

He started to do an extremely fancy tap dance that involved a lot of twirling and jumping up and down, much like a drugged pair of scissors. **_(sry, inside joke)_** An umbrella appeared in his hand and he took full advantage of it and used the prop in place of an actual cane. The spotlight suddenly zoomed over to a small stool in the corner, where Winky was sitting, getting drunk with a small shot of Butterbeer.

Winky: That's what he's **hiccup** here for!

Dobby: I don't care for wearin' silk dress robes,

Hogwarts Scarves, Harry's scar

Don't mean a thing

All I care about is socks

Winky: All he cares about is socks **hiccup**

Dobby: Give me two

Socks of blue

Soft and cozy, I need you!

Let me see them on my feet

And honest, mister, I cannot be beat!

The spotlight seemed to follow his cue and shined brightly on the random socks that appeared to be materializing out of thin air for the purpose of Dobby's show.

I don't care for any fine attire

The Malfoys might admire

No, no, not me

All I care about is socks...

Winky: All he cares about is socks

Dobby: Maybe you think I'm talking about Polka dot socks.

Well, I'm not. Not just Polka dot socks. There's

other kinds of socks. Like socks mismatched. Socks

of Hermione's SPEW. Socks of stealing from the Slytherins that really loathe you. Socks of Harry Potter. That's the kind of socks I'm talkin' about.

And Polka dot socks ain't so bad either.

It may be sound odd

But all I care about is socks

That's what I'm here for

Winky: That's what he's here for

Dobby: Honest to Merlin

All I care about is socks

Winky: All he cares about is socks

Dobby: Show me long Soccer socks

Real comfy, for me to wear

Let me see

Them sold for free

Keep your Sickle, that's enough for me

I don't care for drivin' flying cars

Or drinking Fire Whiskey

No, no, not me

All I care about is

Doin' the guy in

Who's pickin, on you

Twistin' the ankle

That's holdin' the sock

All I care about is socks!

Winky: All he cares about is socks! **hiccup**

As Dobby finished his song, he finally noticed a horror-struck Harry and Ginny, laughing hysterically. Harry attempted to formulate a logical sentence, but all that came out was, "D—Dobby insane. Lunatic. Voldemort is trying to make me insane. It's all part of the evil, evil plan!" This, of course, only caused Ginny to laugh harder. When she was able to stop laughing she requested a large chocolate milkshake and two twisty straws for them. Dobby jumped off the counter and went on his way preparing a midnight snack for the Boy-Who-Is-Now-Legally-Insane and Ginny.


	7. Reached for the Wand

_**Author's Notes: I don't own it. Review!**_

Fred and George were sitting in the Hogwarts kitchen eating their daily dose of pure RedBull—it helped the pure sugar go down. Anyway, they were sitting and discussing the effects caffeine had on Ron when he was 3 months old, when they remembered there was a TV sitting right in front of their faces. They decided to turn it on, and, ironically, Rita Skeeter and two of the Malfoys were just starting a song…

_On the Television…_

Rita Skeeter:  
Where'd you come from?

Lucius as Draco:  
London, England.

Rita Skeeter:  
And your parents?

Lucius as Draco:  
Very wealthy.

Rita Skeeter:  
Where are they now?

Lucius as Draco:  
In Azkaban!

Lucius:  
But he was granted one more start

Lucius as Draco:  
Hogwarts School of Wizardry!

Rita Skeeter:  
When'd you get here?

Lucius as Draco:  
96'

Rita Skeeter:  
How old were you?

Lucius as Draco:  
Don't remember.

Rita Skeeter:  
Then what happened?

Lucius as Draco:  
I met Pansy  
And she stole my heart away  
Convinced me to elope one day

Rita Skeeter:  
Oh you poor dear I cant believe what you have been through! A pureblood boy! A run-away marriage!

Now tell us Draco…

Who's Lisa Turpin?

Lucius as Draco:  
My ex-girlfriend.

Rita Skeeter:  
Why'd you curse her?

Lucius as Draco:  
I was leavin'.

Rita Skeeter:  
Was she angry?

Lucius as Draco:  
Like a madgirl  
Still I said, "Lis', move along."

Lucius:  
He knew that he was doing wrong.

Rita Skeeter:  
Then describe it.

Lucius as Draco:  
She came toward me.

Rita Skeeter:  
With the wand?

Lucius as Draco:  
From my pocket.

Rita Skeeter:  
Did you fight her?

Lucius as Draco:  
Like a hippogryph.

Lucius:  
She had strength and he had none.

Lucius as Draco:  
And yet we both reached for the wand.  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both  
Oh yes we both  
Oh yes, we both reached for  
The wand, the wand, the wand, the wand  
Oh yes, we both reached for the wand  
For the wand.

Rita Skeeter:  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached for  
The wand, the wand, the wand, the wand,  
Oh yes, they both reached for the wand  
for the wand.

Lucius: Understandable, understandable  
Yes it's perfectly understandable  
Comprehensible, Comprehensible  
Not a bit reprehensible  
It's so defensible

Rita Skeeter:  
How're you feeling?

Lucius as Draco:  
Very frightened.

Rita Skeeter:  
Are you sorry?

Draco:  
Are you kidding?

Rita Skeeter:  
What's your statement?

Lucius as Draco:  
All I'd say is  
Though my girlfriend went insane  
I'd give my life to bring her back

Rita Skeeter:  
And?

Lucius as Draco:  
Stay away from...

Rita Skeeter:  
What?

Lucius as Draco:  
Firewhiskey!

Rita Skeeter:  
And?

Lucius as Draco:  
And wizards that

Rita Skeeter:  
What?

Lucius as Draco:  
Kill for fun...

Rita Skeeter:  
And what?

Lucius as Draco:  
That's the thought that...

Rita Skeeter:  
Yeah!

Lucius as Draco:  
Came upon me...

Rita Skeeter:  
When?

Draco:  
When we both reached for the wand!

Rita Skeeter:  
Understandable, understandable

Lucius and Rita Skeeter:  
Yes, it's perfectly understandable  
Comprehensible, comprehensible  
Not a bit reprehensible  
It's so defensible!

Rita Skeeter:  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached for

Lucius:  
Let me hear it!

Rita Skeeter:  
The wand, the wand, the wand,  
The wand  
Oh yes, they both reached  
For the wand

Lucius:  
A little louder!

Rita Skeeter:  
For the wand.  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached  
For the wand, the wand,

Lucius:  
Now you got it!

Rita Skeeter:  
The wand, the wand  
Oh yes. They both reached  
For the wand  
For the wand.

Lucius and Rita Skeeter:  
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both reached for  
The wand, the wand, the wand,the wand  
Oh yes, they both reached for the wand  
For the wand.

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, they both  
Oh yes, reached for  
The wand, the wand, the wand, the wand  
The wand, the wand, the wand, the wand  
The wand, the wand, the wand, the wand

Lucius:  
Both reached for the...wand

Rita Skeeter:  
The wand, the wand, the wand,the wand  
The wand, the wand, the wand,the wand  
The wand, the wand, the wand,the wand  
The wand, the wand, Both reached for the wand.


	8. Roxie

_**Author's Notes: I don't own it. Enjoy and review!**_

"Class," Snape drawled to the Gryffindor, 6th and 7th year, potions students. "Today, we're going to be making Pepper-Up Potions. The ingredients are on the board. So, sit down, shut up, and get working. And, Harry, stop talking!"

"I wasn't!" Harry shot back.

"Five Thousand Points from Gryffindor for talking back!" Snape shouted, a large smile was plastered on his face in triumph.

"We don't even have Five thousand points, Professor," Hermione replied.

"Yeah," Ron chimed in, "and just because you're a lonely, greasy, unpopular, monkey man, doesn't mean you can torture us!"

Snape's face got red with anger. His eye started twitching. His hands started shaking. His fists clenched, unclenched, clenched… His mouth opened up and he belted out some off-key notes and approached Harry menacingly. Meanwhile, Fred and George were trying not to die from laughing so hard. In fact, they were about to suffocate. With a simple spell, George made the room into a dance floor and shined the spotlight on Snape.

With a snap of Fred's finger, actually, a flick of his wand, Snape's outfit changed to a jazzy outfit like Roxie wore in Chicago. "You have some serious issues, brother," George sighed.

"What?" Fred asked, in mock innocence. "I just thought he should have an outfit that fits this song…"

"Are you trying to emotionally scar me?"

"No," Fred laughed, "just emotionally scar Snape."

"SPEDNESS!" Fred and George exclaimed simultaneously and banged their foreheads together like a couple of drunken hillbillies.

"Now be quiet," George said, fiercely. He then couldn't hold back his smile and added, "We don't want to miss the 'show'."

Severus:   
The name on everybody's lips  
Is gonna be Snape-y  
The Dark Lord's favorite servant  
Is gonna be Snape-y

I'm gonna be a celebrity  
That means  
Somebody everyone knows  
They're gonna recognize my eyes  
My hair, my teeth, my wand, my nose

From just some dumb Potion's Master  
I'm gonna be Snape-y  
Who says that Dark Potions not an art?

And who in case he doesn't die  
Can say he started as a spy?  
Snape-y Snape!

Class:…

Students:  
They're gonna wait outside in line  
To get to see

Severus:  
Snape-y  
Think of those autographs  
I'll sign,  
'I hope you die,'

Students:  
Snape-y

Severus:  
And I'll appear   
In a long dark robe that goes  
All the way down to my feet

Students:  
Here a curse,  
There a curse,  
Everywhere a-curse-y-curse

Severus:  
But always out to get Potter!

(spoken)  
Mmmm, I'm a star!  
And the audience loves me!  
And I love them  
And they love me for loving them  
And I love them for loving me  
And we love each other  
And that's because none of us  
Got enough love in our childhoods  
And that's Dark Arts  
Kids

Students:  
He's given up his hum drum life

Severus:  
I'm gonna be—sing it

Students:  
Snape-y  
He made a potion and a start

Severus:  
And Harry Potter will shit  
I know  
To see his name get billed below  
Snape-y Snape!

Students:  
Snape-y...  
Snape-y...  
Snape-y...  
Snape-y...  
Sna-pe-y  
Snape-y...  
Snape-y...

George laughed, "so do you think this will ever get boring?"

"I do believe that's impossible," Fred replied.

"It's…"George began.

"SPEDtastic!" They shouted together and attempted to high five, but due to their lack of coordination, ended up missing and smacking each other in the face. This, of course, made them burst out into another fit of laughter.


	9. The Intermission

**_Author's Notes: I don't own it. Review._**

_A Weasley Twin Survey_

It had been roughly a week since the beginning of the prank. The Weasley Twins had been, until this point, wandering the halls of Hogwarts, laughing at those affected by their singing prank. Now, however, they felt it was time to see what the students of Hogwarts thought of their ingenious plan.

"Gred?" asked Forge.

"Yes, Forge?" Gred replied

"It's time to go question the little buggers that we call Hogwarts Students."

"That it is, Forge; that it is."

"Oooo!"

"Dubbleyouw Teay Eff, mayet?"

"What?" George was extremely confused.

"Sorry, it's WTF in an Australian accent."

"Anyway," George interrupted, "we should go around with microphones and messed up clothes and annoying voices and really bother people!"

"That _was _the general idea, George," said Fred in an obnoxious, snobby voice. He sounded a lot like Percy…After a short pause they both burst out into a high-pitched chant of "Bother, bother, bother, bother, bother!"

"STOP!" Harry yelled from the top of the boys' staircase.

After a momentary pause, the Weasley twins got matching diabolical grins on their faces and whispered, "Ah, our first victim." That was followed by cackling. Things are _not_ looking good for our whiny, mentally screwed up frie—um—hero? Nah, hero _complex,_ more like.

"Why of _course,_ Mister Potter," George grinned as Fred took an exaggerated bow.

"Um…thanks?" Harry squeaked as he attempted to retreat to the safety of his room. Fred and George had him cornered within seconds.

"Harry, Harry, Harry," Fred sighed.

"What are we going to do with you?" George chuckled…which turned into a cackle…which turned into maniacal laughter.

"I HATE YOU!" Harry exploded.

"He's mental, that one!" Hermione exclaimed from across the room.

"Dubbleyouw Teay Eff, mayet?" Fred asked. Fred didn't even think anyone else was there in the first place.

"I HATE EVERYONE!"

"Can we ask you a few simple questions, Harry?" George asked.

"NO!" Harry then sprinted towards the stairs, but instead of going down them like a sane, normal person, he decided it would be more heroic for him to make a daring escape…by jumping over the railing from the top of the stairs.

"Harry!" Hermione yelled, "You refused to take your medicine again today, didn't you!"

"Mebe."

"Harry James Pot—"

"SURE," Harry interrupted while standing next to the portrait hole, "YOU JUST HAD TO RUB IN THE FACT THAT JAMES IS DEAD! DIDN'T YOU! YOU CAN'T STAND TO SEE ME HAPPY! I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL! WHY IS EVERYONE STARING AT MEEEEEE!" Harry scrambled through the portrait hole, ungracefully. In the process of walking out the door, he tripped over his shoelaces. That may have been caused by the fact that they were tied together, but maybe he was just clumsy.

"Fred! George!" Hermione scolded.

"Oh, sod off, Herms," Ron laughed.

"You have to admit, Hermione, that was pretty funny—"

"—especially when his face turned red with anger—"

"I liked the part where his face got all contorted with confusion!" Ron informed them.

"That happens all the time, _Ronald,_" Hermione reminded him.

"If you'll excuse us—" Fred began.

"—duty calls—" George continued.

"—we really must get on with our prank's intermission."

"But don't fret—"

"We'll be back to tor—"

"—_visit_ you," George smoothly corrected his brother.

Fred and George Weasley have always been incapable of being serious and sane. Today was no different. They decided that to fully torture every witch and wizard in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, they would have to dress to distress. George had decided to wear long, billowing, black robes, a removable tattoo of the Dark Mark, and dye his hair black. After that, he went swimming in a large vat of pure grease. Disgusting—certainly, but The Twins had never done a prank without going the whole 9 yards, and, in order to portray Snivellus Snape, one had to be as vile and disgusting as the grease-ball extraordinaire.

Fred's outfit was much more attention grabbing—shall we say. He had chosen to impersonate a certain divination teacher. Much to his surprise, however, was that Hermione Granger, prefect, was the one to suggest the idea. Fred decided on a pair of hideous coke-bottle glasses and robes that a blind man may have picked out. After much pestering from George, who was in the grease vat at the time, he put on obnoxious make-up, and his look had been topped off by styling his hair. He didn't have any hair styling products or tools, so he went with the classic technique—sticking a fork in a toaster while standing in a bucket of water. His hair was frizzled and fried to perfection. The Twins were ready to show the school.

Fred and George were currently standing outside of the Transfiguration Classroom, waiting for class to dismiss so they would be able to talk to Harry before he disappeared. They heard the bell ring and stealthily went on either side of the doorway, so Harry wouldn't be able to escape. As Harry was coming out of the room, Fred tripped him, and George took his wand. "Alright, Harry," Fred said.

"It's time for you to give us some feedback on the prank," George continued.

"What you think—"

"Who has the best voice—"

"—Worst voice—"

"—Favorite song—"

"Favorite performance—"

"—Anything—"

"—Everything—"

"Um…okay," Harry whispered.

"Good!" Fred exclaimed. "Now, let's start with the basics."

"Yes, I do agree, brother." George took the liberty of asking the first question, while Fred waved his microphone in Harry's face. "Has your voice _always_ been that bad?"

"Hey!"

"If you could choose to be any animal, which one would you choose?" Fred asked.

"WHO TOLD YOU I WAS AN ANIMANGUS!"

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Right-o!"

"If you had to die by someone killing you—" Harry paled.

"—how would you prefer to die?"

"A: Being beaten to death by a hollow, plastic, baseball bat."

"B: Bleeding to death from millions of paper cuts."

"C: Getting trapped in a room and being forced to listen to Hilary Duff music for hours and hours until you have a nervous breakdown and die and—"

"WE GET THE POINT, FRED!"

"Right-o!"

"D: Having Dumbledore talk you to death."

"E: Having to stare at Snape for 5 minutes straight."

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry screamed his head off and ran down the halls of Hogwarts, never to be seen or heard from again. Not really, he just ran so mindlessly that he whacked his head against a door that he was attempting to open, and due to his lack of coordination he opened it into his face. Brilliant.

"I SEE THE GRIM IN YOUR CUP OF TEA LEAVES!" Fred shouted after him. "You will die a painful death!"

George added, in honor of his outfit (knowing it wouldn't actually change the points), "525,600 points from Griffindor for being a moronic narcissist with a hero complex!"

"Well, George…"

"Yes, Fred?"

"We need to—"

"—find our next victim."

"But—"

"—who?"

"Let's start with the basics."

"Which house?"

"HUFFLEPUFF!" They both yelled, simultaneously.

"Year?"

"They're all whimps…"

"First year?"

"Second."

"Let's go!"

"Oo! The Ramones!" a random voice shouted from behind them.

&&&&

"Hi, Professor Snape, sir," a little blonde-haired Hufflepuff said quietly.

"Hel—I mean die little Hufflepuff!" George said pompously. "5 points from Hufflepuff for disturbing my brooding!"

"I-I'm s-s-sorry, s-sir," the girl stuttered.

"You can make up for your naïveté by answering a few questions for me." George smirked, "Keep in mind that I am being _very_ generous."

"O-of c-course, s-sir!"

"Good. Professor Trelawney shall be assisting me with this."

"O-o-o-o—"

"STOP STUTTERING!" George barked.

"O-okay," the girl finished quickly.

"First question!" George shouted.

"Who is better looking: _Fred _or George?"

"Harry Potter!"

"Harry's a whiny, mentally-unstable woman!" Fred yelled.

"That wasn't even one of the options, you SPED!" George barked.

"But I don't know who Fred and George are!" the girl squeaked.

"What!" They both yelled.

"How do you not know the pranksters!"

"Do you live in a box?"

"A hole!"

"I HATE HUFFLEPUFFS!"

"Next question," Fred said, doing a great impression of the far away, drugged up behavior of Trelawney.

"Would you rather watch someone run into a brick wall repeatedly oooorrrr—"

"Spontaneously combust!" George cackled, mimicking Snape.

"EEEEEPPPPP!" The girl ran away and spontanteously combusted, which caused her to crash into the wall…repeatedly.

"So," Fred began, "which did you find more entertaining?"

"I liked the part where she crashed into the wall!" a violent looking Gryffindor, Mary, laughed in delight. The crowd of students around her all murmured agreement.

"I liked the part where she caught on fire!" a maniacal Ravenclaw, Liz, screamed as a Slytherin did impressions of the flailing and sound effects.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" George and Fred screamed simultaneously. "The show is going to be starting in a few moments. Please make your way back to your seats."

"We don't _have_ seats," an annoying 7th year Hufflepuff sneered. Mary explained the gruesome death that awaited him for being a moron. Fred smiled as he heard bits of the description. He didn't hear much, but the main points he got out of it were: intestines, a pole and some walking. He liked the sound of it.

"My father did an article in the Quibbler about this show," a familiar, distant-sounding voice stated. Luna wandered away from the large ground of students.

"Chicago will resume in 5 minutes!"

"WEASLEYS!" A voice bellowed from down the hall: Severus Snape. Fred and George bravely ran away. "YOU'D BETTER RUN!" He bellowed. "50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR—EACH—AND 25 FROM HUFFLEPUFF! AND 30 TO SLYTHERIN!"


	10. I Can't Do It Alone

Author's Notes: I don't own it. Review.

Ginny Weasley: Ladies and gentlemen, The Weasley Twins in an act of insanity.

"Hey!" George compained, "Why are we being forced to sing?"

Fred replied, "Because it's more interesting, plus, we can't just not!"

"I'm not even going to try to make sense of the double negatives."

George:  
My brother and I had a prank that couldn't flop.  
My brother and I were headed straight for the top.  
My brother and I earned detentions all week, at least, oh yeah!  
But my brother is now, unfortunately, expelled.  
I know it's sad of course, but a fact, is still a fact!  
And now all that remains is the remains, of a perfect-prank-on-Snape!

Fred:  
Watch this!  
We have to imagine it with Snape screaming—it's swell with him screaming!  
First I'd...  
Then he'd...

Both: Then we'd...  
But I can't do it alone!

George:  
Then he'd...  
Then I'd...  
Both: Then we'd...  
But I can't do it alone!

Fred: They'd say, "What's your brother like?"  
I'd say, "Drugs!"  
They'd say, "You're the prankster twins!"  
And we'd wow the crowd again!

George: When he'd go...  
I'd go...  
Both: We'd go...

Fred: Then all those Gryffindors started a roar, whistled, stomped, banged on the floor, yelling, screaming, begging for  
moooooore...!  
George: And we'd say,"Ok, Hogwarts, keep your wands here-'cause you ain't seen NOTHING yet!"

Both: But I simply cannot do it...aaaloooooone...!

Fred (spoken)  
So what do you think, huh? Come on... you can say.

Ginny: (spits her tongue at them)  
Phbtpbhththpbhththt...!

George (spoken)  
I know, you're right, the first part's shit. But the second part? The second part is REALLY nifty!  
Ok!

Fred (sings)  
He'd go...  
I'd go...  
Both: We'd go...

George: And then those dumb Huffle's did it up brown, to cheer the best attraction in school, they nearly tore Snape's potions class  
doooooown...!

Fred: And we'd say, "Ok, Hogwarts, we're going home! But before we go, there's a few more parting pranks! And this—this, we did in  
PERFECT UNISON!"  
(Bat Bogey Hex, Stupefy, Jelly-Leg Jinx, Avis, Babbling Curse, Dens Augeo, Engorgio, INCENDO**_(set fire to)_**!)

Fred and George: Now ya see me going through it!  
You may think there's nothing to it!  
But I simply cannot do it...aloooooone...!

"Well," George stated, "that was interesting."

"That it was, Forge. That it was."

"I bet you never knew what a b-e-a-utiful singing voice I had until now."

"Um…sure, George. Try god-awful. Or horrendous. Or glass-shattering. Or off-key. Or atrocious. Or unbearable. Or—"

"SILENCIO! I get the point, Gred!"


	11. Mister Cellophane

_**Author's Notes: I don't own it. Review!**_

Ron was grumbling about how he never got any attention. Neville was feeling very upset about Trevor being lost again. Peter was angry with the Dark Lord for commenting on his weight problem. Everything seemed normal and boring, until they could hear some music faintly playing. As it got louder, they all stood up and started singing like a bunch of dying goats on drugs.

Neville: If someone stood up in a crowd  
And raised his voice up way out loud  
And waved his wand  
And shook his fist  
You'd notice him

Ron: If someone in a Quidditch Match  
Yelled "Dementor in the second row,  
Harry Potter is going to faint!"  
You'd notice him

Peter: And even without shouting, "Crucio,"   
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,  
Unless, of course, that personage should be  
Invisible, inconsequential me!

Peter and Neville: Cellophane  
Mister cellophane  
Should have been my name!  
Mister cellophane  
'cause you can look right through me   
Walk right by me  
And never know I'm there!

Peter and Ron: I tell ya  
Cellophane  
Mister cellophane  
Should have been my name  
Mister cellophane  
'cause you can look right through me walk right by me  
And never know I'm there... 

Neville: Suppose you were a little bat  
Residin' in a person's hat  
Who fed you bugs and cared for you?  
You'd notice him

Peter: Suppose you was a death eater  
And servin' an evil Dark Lord Voldemort for seven years  
You'd notice him

Neville: A pureblood wizard's made of more than air  
With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there

Ron: Unless that pure' wizard next to you   
Is unimpressive, undistinguished  
You know who. . .

Ron, Peter, and Neville: Should have been my name  
Mister cellophane  
'cause you can look right through me  
Walk right by me  
And never know I'm there  
I tell ya  
Cellophane  
Mister cellophane  
Should have been my name  
Mister cellophane  
'cause you can look right through me  
Walk right by me  
And never know I'm there  
Never even know I'm there

"Fred?"

"Yes, George?"

"I think my ear drums might have exploded."

"Consider yourself lucky…at least you didn't have to hear the whole song." Fred shuddered.

**_Author's Notes: Insanity. Review._**


	12. Razzle Dazzle

_**Author's Notes: Razzle Dazzle 'em. I don't own it. **_

Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe were greedily stuffing their faces in the Slytherin Common Room, awaiting Dumbledore's arrival. Draco Malfoy walked into the room with a sneer on his face and announced, "Crabbe and Goyle, Dumbledore is here."

"Thank you. Just a moment—you ready?" Crabbe asked Goyle, concern was evident in his voice.

"Oh, Crabbe," Goyle whimpered, "I'm scared!"

"Goyle, you got nothing to worry about. It's all a circus, kid, a three-ring circus. These trials- the whole world- all show business. But, kid, you're working with a star, the biggest!"

Crabbe:  
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle  
Razzle Dazzle 'em  
Give 'em an spell with lots of flash in it  
And the reaction will be passionate  
Give 'em the old hocus pocus  
Bead and feather 'em  
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

Goyle:

What if your hinges all are rusting?  
What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?

Blaise:

Razzle dazzle 'em  
And they'll never catch wise!

Crabbe:

Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle

Crabbe and Goyle:  
Razzle dazzle 'em  
Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous

Crabbe:  
Row after row will crow vociferous

Crabbe and Goyle:  
Give 'em the old flim flam flummox  
Fool and fracture 'em

Crabbe:  
How can they hear the truth above the roar?

Crabbe and Goyle:  
Throw 'em a fake and a finagle  
They'll never know you're just a bagel,

Blaise:  
Razzle dazzle 'em  
And they'll beg you for more!

Crabbe and Goyle:  
Give 'em the old double whammy  
Daze and dizzy 'em  
Back since the days of old Tom Marvolo  
Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler

Give 'em the old three ring circus  
Stun and stagger 'em  
When you're in trouble, go into your dance

Though you are stiffer than a girder  
They'll let you get away with murder  
Razzle dazzle 'em  
And you've got a romance

Blaise: _(The same time as Crabbe's)_  
Give 'em the old  
Razzle Dazzle

Crabbe:  
Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle  
Razzle dazzle 'em  
Show 'em the first rate sorceror you are  
Long as you keep 'em way off balance  
How can they spot you've got no talent  
Razzle Dazzle 'em

Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise:  
Razzle Dazzle 'em  
Razzle Dazzle 'em

Draco:

And they'll make you a star!


	13. Class

**_Author's Notes: I don't own it._**

Crouch was sitting at his desk, scowling at the newspaper. He called Percy Weasley into his office; Percy was the only one that understood. "The whole world's gone low-brow," Crouch began. "Thing's ain't what they used to be."

"They sure ain't, Barty," Percy faithfully replied. "They sure ain't it's all gone." All of the sudden, Percy had a need to sing. He couldn't figure out why, but for some reason, he decided that his two brothers were to blame…

Percy:  
Whatever happened to fair dealing?  
And pure ethics  
And nice manners?  
Why is it everyone now is a pain in the ass?  
Whatever happened to class?

Crouch:  
Class.  
Whatever happened to, "Please, may I?"  
And, "Yes, thank you?"  
And, "How charming?"  
Now, every son of a bitch is a snake in the grass  
Whatever happened to class?

Percy and Crouch:  
Class!  
Ah, there ain't no gentlemen  
To open up the doors  
There ain't no ladies now,  
There's only D.E.s **_(Death Eaters) _**and Aurors  
And even kids'll knock ya' down  
So's they can pass  
Nobody's got no class!

Percy:  
Whatever happened to old values?

Crouch:  
And fine morals?

Percy:  
And good breeding?

Crouch:  
Now, no one even says "oops" when they're  
Passing their gas  
Whatevcer happened to class?

Percy:  
Class

Percy and Crouch:

Ah, there ain't no gentlemen  
That's fit for any use  
And any girl'd touch your privates  
For a deuce

Crouch:  
And even kids'll hex your shins and throw dung bombs

Percy:  
And even kids'll hex your shins and throw dung bombs

Percy and Crouch:  
Nobody's got no class!

Percy:  
All you read about today is pranks and kills

Crouch:  
Jesus Christ, ain't there no decency left?

Percy and Crouch:  
Nobody's got no class!

Crouch:  
Every guy is a snot!

Percy:  
Every girl is a twat!

Crouch:  
Holy shit

Percy:  
Holy shit

Crouch:  
What a shame

Percy:  
What a shame

Percy and Crouch:  
What became of class?


	14. Nowadays

_**Author's Notes: I don't own it. **_

"Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy," Dumbledore called out during dinner, "Please report to my office; I would like to discuss next year's Head Duties with you." They both finished eating and got up from their tables. They were walking down the long corridor in an eerie silence that they both felt wouldn't last for much longer, for an unknown reason…well, Hermione had a clue Fred the SPED and George the Pranking Mastermind had something to do with it…

Draco:   
...Gone, it's all gone.

"What's gone?" Hermione snapped. "Are you on drugs!"

Draco:  
It's good, isn't it?  
Grand, isn't it?  
Great, isn't it?  
Swell, isn't it?  
Fun, isn't it?  
Nowadays

"Oh, Merlin," Hermione whimpered. "I'm going to start singing. Bloody He—"

Hermione:   
There's elves, everywhere  
Pranks, everywhere  
Brooms, everywhere  
Sweets, everywhere  
Magic, everywhere  
Nowadays

Draco:  
You can like the life you're livin'  
You can live the life you like

Hermione: You can even marry Harry  
But mess around with Ron

Both: And that's  
Good, isn't it?  
Grand, isn't it?  
Great, isn't it?  
Swell, isn't it?  
Fun, isn't it...

Dumbledore (spoken):  
Ladies and gentlemen, Hogwarts School,  
England's finest, finest home of wizard entertainment,  
is proud to announce a first. The first time, anywhere,  
there has been an act of this nature. Not only one  
little lady, but two! Oh, wait! Just one little lady. And one guy that's like a little lady! You've read about them in the papers  
and now here they are- a double act! Chicago's own  
killer dillers- those two scintillating sinners-  
Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy!

Both: You can like the life you're livin'  
You can live the life you like  
You can even marry Harry  
But mess around with Ron  
And that's  
Good, isn't it?  
Grand, isn't it?  
Great, isn't it?  
Swell, isn't it?  
Fun, isn't it?  
But nothing stays

In fifty years or so  
It's gonna change, you know  
But, oh, it's heaven  
Nowadays

They were rounding the corner when they spotted Fred and George spying from a closet and Filch, who was mopping up the floor—actually, he was dancing with the mop and singing…

Filch:  
Okay, you mischievous rats. Let's pick up the pace.  
Let's shake the pranks away. Let's make torture legal.  
Let's make the punishments longer and longer. Let's make  
the rules even more strict. Let's go to hell on a Firebolt and  
KEEP IT HOT!

"That was a random ending," George stated, frightened. Horrified, to be exact.

"Who'd have thought Filch would say something like that?" Fred said.

"I guess we have driven him insane…" George concluded.

"This calls for a celebration!" Fred shouted.


End file.
